Never Let Your Past Determine Who You Are
by LoveandLearn
Summary: Derek learns something unbelievable about Addison's past. He tries to comfort her and convince her that what happen to her as a child wouldn't affect their future together.
1. Chapter 1

Addison sat at the table quietly looking down at a catalog after work. She looked up when she saw someone walk into the bar and smiled when she realized it was Derek. He ordered his drink and came to sit at the table across from her.

"How did that surgery go?" she asked as she took a sip of her drink.

"It went really well." he answered. "How is your catalog browsing coming along?"

"I should have done this sooner, I had no time to even remember Christmas shopping this year with everything going on." she replied. "It's Christmas, Derek. We're not suppose to be be shopping for gifts, we're suppose to be watching our nieces and nephews opening them."

"How come you only mention my family during holidays?" Derek asked her curiously, the question catching Addison off guard. "You don't ever buy anything for your own parents, you don't mention missing them or wanting to see them over the holidays."

"Why are you bringing that up, Derek?" she wondered.

"Your mom called me today. She said she called you three time but you didn't pick up so she decided to try me." he answered. "She said they were planning on going to going to Paris this morning but something wasn't right with the jet so they had to cancel. Instead they arranged a last minute dinner at the estate and she was inviting us over."

"What did you say?"

"I told her that we were in Seattle and that we would need more notice if she wanted us there. Then she asked me why we're in Seattle and I realized she doesn't know about anything that happened over the last year." Derek said, assuring her that he didn't agree to her mother's request. "I didn't tell her, I just said we got better offers from a great hospital here so we moved. She told me to tell you she's missed you and that she'd like to talk to you when you've got the chance."

"I haven't spoken to my mother in three, almost four, years. I spoke to my dad once last year but he started lecturing me and I hung up on him." she informed her husband, although she though he already knew that she was pretty much estranged with her parents. "The only family I have that I keep in touch with is Archer and he hasn't been around lately so none of them know about Seattle or how we ended up here."

"Why do you hate your parents so much, Addie? You've got more respect for my mother than you do for your own. I know you guys have your differences but is there a reason?"

"I don't want to talk about it." she responded in a mumble and took a long sip from her wine glass.

"Addie, you're my wife. I'm supposed to know everything there is to know about you. I know that I know you better than anyone else but I know nothing about your childhood. You're never willing to talk about it." he continued in a very calm and patient tone so she would know that he was not trying to piss her off.

"I don't want to talk about my miserable excuse for a childhood, especially not on Christmas."

"Okay." he nodded in understanding and looked into her eyes before drinking the remaining scotch in his glass. "Do you want to order something to eat? I know you wanted to get French food but I doubt we'll find anywhere open at ten pm on Christmas. We could get a burger or something from here and tomorrow I'll take you out to dinner at some fancy French restaraunt."

"I'll have a side of fries and a small Caesar salad." she told him, without having to look at the very limited menu which the Emerald City Bar offered.

"Got it. I'm getting a cheeseburger and I know you're gonna want a bite because your sorry excuse of a meal will not satisfy hunger. And I also know you hate mayo and mustard so I'll tell him to put nothing but ketchup on there."

Addison smiled widely before thanking him and getting up with him to place a soft kiss on his lips. Derek smiled at her before walking away and for once she felt like their marriage wasn't falling apart. He returned with his refilled glass of scotch and sat back down.

"You can't have a second glass of that because someone needs to drive home." he told her apologetically. She nodded her understanding as she took a another small sip from her glass.

"Derek, do you still want to have children with me?" she randomly asked, causing the scotch to go down the wrong pipe when he swallowed to answer her. He started coughing to clear his throat then stared at her. "I will take that as a 'no'."

"No, Addison, it's not a 'no.' You just caught me off guard, I wasn't expecting that at all." he replied quickly to come to his own defense. "We were talking about our families and then out of no where you bring this up."

"I just need to know." she answered in explanation. "I'm 36, Der. I'm not getting younger. You know that pregnancy is a higher risk for women over 35. The chance of Down's Syndrome sky rockets."

"Honey, most baby's with Down's Syndrome are born to mother over 40. I know that the chances increase of 35 but it's usually only cause for concern after 40." Derek reminded her what he was sure she already knew. "You've seen hundreds of pregnant women in their late thirties and many of them had a simple pregnancy with no complications. What I'm trying to say is that you are not too old to have children, Addison."

"I know I wasn't ready when we talked about this last, and I had my reasons. Now I'm asking you, after everything that happened between us, do you still think I'm the right person to mother your children? Consider all my flaws and the risks."

"You're my wife, Addison. I wouldn't still be married to you if I didn't think you were the one I should have children with." he assured. "I think you'd be an amazing mother, and I wish had had children back then because it may have kept me from becoming indifferent and that would mean you wouldn't feel the need to cheat."

"I know you wanted kids with me back when I was your young faithful wife." she stated. "I'm asking if you still want them with me _now, _considering that I'm old and adulterous?"

"Of course, I do. If you feel like you're ready now then we can start trying or..whatever it is that people do when they want kids." he paused for a short second before looking back into her eyes and adding, "And you're not old or adulterous."

"I don't know if I'm ready." she admitted sadly. "I mean, I've always wanted to have a child with you. That would be the ultimate way of showing you how much I love you, right? Our child would be the best of both of us. But I would be the worst mother and I can't put our perfect child through that."

"What makes you think you'd be so horrible?" Derek asked her curiously. He moved his chair closer to Addison then smiled at Joe as he set their plates down in front of them.

"Anything else?"

"Nope, thanks Joe." Derek answered quickly.

"Kay, you know where I'll be if you want something." he replied before walking away to give the couple their privacy.

Derek turned his attention back to his wife. "Addie." he said softly. "Why do you think you'd be a bad mother?" he asked again.

"I don't want to hurt my kids." she whispered.

"Why would you even worry about that?" he wondered. "You've never been violent. You would never intentionally hurt someone, not physically, not emotionally. You always want the best for the people you love...you want the best for people you don't even know."

"My mother..." she started, her voice breaking before she could even complete her though. She couldn't hold back her tears but she held back the sobs and continued. "I just don't want to be like that"

"Addison, were you abused as a child?" Derek asked her gently. "Is that why you never talk about it, why you hate your mom?"

She nodded her head and sniffled, stuffing a French fry in her mouth so she could stop talking.

"You should have told me that, honey. For one thing, I wouldn't ever be nice to your mother. Second, I would have assured you that I'd never hurt you because I know being hurt as a child brings up trust issues. And third, I'd never let you doubt your maternal ability."

"Can we stop talking about it?" she begged.

"No, Addison, we can't because if we stop, this will never come up again. I just need you to think about this: You specialized in Pediatrics, Addison. That means you want the best for children, right? That means you care about them and want to help them."

"I specialized in neonatology." Addison corrected.

"Right, which is a sub-specialty of pediatrics. You were trained in peds before focusing more on neonatal, right?"

She nodded her head with another sniffle and stabbed her fork into he salad.

"And you ended up choosing neonatal because you said that babies don't understand what's happening to them. They can't look at you like you're a savior and you can't let them down when there is nothing you can do to help. That's what you said, remember? You said that you loved being able to help a newborn and knowing they'll live a healthy happy life, that's why you choose it." he reminded her, recalling their intern year. "You hated the peds training because you hated seeing the toddlers struggling, begging for a miracle. You couldn't look them in the eye and tell them what was wrong with them because you felt like you were taking away their future. With neonatal, you would be giving a future."

"Okay, that is just over analyzing it."

"No, it's not because that's what you think, that's how you feel. You based your career on that, you dedicated your life to your career, you wanted to be the best so your patients would get the best, so they could have a future." he told her as he softly ran his hand up and down her back to show affection and comfort. "You are not your mother. You would never hurt a child, especially your own."

"How do you know that?" Addison asked, turning her head to him to look into his eyes.

"Because I know you." he shrugged. "And I know you'll be an amazing mother. I just know it. You're amazing with kids, it's only natural that you'd be a million times more amazing with your own."

"Thank you, Derek." she said with a small smiled. "Thanks for not pitying me, for not making fun of my past ...thanks for comforting me."

He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Just being honest. I'm glad I could help though." he replied and took the first bite of his burger. "Can we start trying when we get home?" he asked with a full mouth.

"Don't talk with your mouth full." Addison scolded, slightly disgusted from the semi-chewed wad of food she caught a glimpse of as he spoke.

Derek swallowed before replying, "See! You're not even a mother yet and you already sound like one."

"I just sound like a woman who is married to a man who has got no dining etiquette." she paused. "Although, I don't think I have a right to complain because Savvy says that Weiss burps at the table if he has beer...and if he has two he starts scratching himself."

"You never answered my question." Derek reminded her. "Don't think you can change the subject so easily."

"We can try for a baby under one condition..." she stopped and then corrected herself, "Two conditions."

"And what would those two conditions be?" he asked curiously while biting off another large piece, but this time he kept his mouth shut while he chewed.

"We get rid of the trailer and move into something that actually has walls separating rooms. I am not raising a baby in a 70 square foot aluminum can. We can choose a place together; I'm willing to take your opinion in consideration on this matter. The next one is not negotiable."

Derek nodded, swallowing that next bite so he could laugh without spraying bits of burger everywhere. Then he said, "Consider it done. What's the second condition?"

"My mother never ever goes anywhere near our child."

* * *

You guys may have noticed that I deleted the last story I posted. I decided it wasn't good enough to post. I hope this one is a lot better than that one. I really want to write a multi-chapter story but I don't have a single idea for one! It's driving me insane. It's like I've already used all my ideas. This one was kinda based on that part of the new PP promo where Bizzy slaps Addison.

For all Maddison fans, I'm writing a one-shot similar to the story I deleted but I'm hoping that it turns out better. I'll post it when I'm done and let you guys judge.

Review! Oh and message me if you think you can help me come up with a storyline for a new multi-chapter story. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Three and a half Years Later

"Good Morning, Addison." Derek said cheerfully when he saw his wife walking toward the surgical board wearing dark blue pair of scrubs.

"What's so good about it?" she asked miserably. "Why are you so happy this early in the morning? You've been awake since 4 in the morning. You are not supposed to be happy."

"You are extremely cranky this morning." He said as he leaned in closer to her to peck her cheek. "What's wrong, why are you so-" he was cut off before he could finish.

"Bitchy?" Addison suggested. "It's just one of those days." She answered with a shrug.

"Time of the month, again? I'm usually good at keeping track of that because those are the days I have absolutely no luck in the sack. I thought we still had a week."

Addison glared at him. "It's not the time of the month!" she exclaimed in a quiet whisper and wacked his arm. "I'm just not having the best morning and it's pissing me off."

"What could have possibly ruined your morning?" Derek wondered.

"Your son threw up in my hair! Not just spit-up type vomit, I mean projectile vomit. He decided he needs to eat both a pop-tart and cereal and the get he got nauseous in the car and he threw up while I was carrying him to daycare."

Derek did his best to hide the grin on his face. He took notice of the fact that her hair was damp and tied up in a tight bun and nodded. "Explains the hair-do. I thought you were gonna say you were having a bad morning because you're hair straighter or curling iron didn't work. I know how you women are when you have bad hair days…" he paused for a second before defensively adding, "Not that you look like you're having a bad hair day."

"I do not act like I'm miserable over a bad hair day, you're the one that acts like it's the end of the world when you run out of mousse." She shot back, fully prepared to start a full blown argument just so she can relieve some of her anger out on him.

"So you're mad at Nicholas for throwing up on you?"

"No, I'm mad because I over slept, then listened to your son's whining, then I got stuck in traffic and didn't have time for Starbucks and then I got here and had said child vomit on me. So far, nothing has worked out correctly." She clarified. "And now I have to go see a patient who always thinks I'm drunk and urges me to check my blood alcohol before I do her c-section. She's had four kids, I've delivered every single one of them without complication and she still insists I'm drunk before every procedure."

He laughed without being able to refrain himself this time. "Speaking of patients, your resident was telling me that some woman came in last night and said she's a friend of yours and she was demanding to see you. She made an appointment with you today after your lunch break but she didn't leave a name."

"They usually ask for a name when taking appointments."

"She used Jane Doe." Derek told her. "But that's beside the point. I wanted to ask you if you were free for lunch. I was thinking we could go pick up Nick from the daycare and we can have lunch together."

Addison nodded her head. "I'll meet you downstairs in front of the daycare place at 1?" she asked as they both went toward the nurses' station where both needed to get charts from.

"One it is." He agreed and gave her the widest smile he could before walking away to get back to work.

* * *

Derek stepped out of the hospital's daycare center with his son tightly holding his hand. He smiled when he saw Addison walking toward them. "Mama!" Nick exclaimed and pull his hand away from his father to run toward his mother.

"Hey, buddy." Addison replied softly while Nick wrapped his arms around her leg. "You seem very excited." She said when she felt her son hugging her leg tightly.

Nick nodded and held up his arms to her, "Up?" he asked her softly, throwing in an irresistible pout to ensure he wouldn't be rejected.

Addison picked him up and perched him on her hip while letting Derek led her to the cafeteria. She listened to her son's attempt to tell her about his day but in all honesty most of it sounded like incoherent babbling. He was speaking well for his age, he knew how to get his point across, he was picking up new words everday but he still wasn't speaking well enough to carry on meaningless conversation.

"You wanna take him to wash his hands and then find a clean table?" Derek asked. "You know Robert? The head chef for the hospital? I asked him to order a pizza, given that it's pretty much the only thing that Nick eats willingly."

Addison lightly shrugged. "It's not my fault he inherited my picky eating habits." She replied, tightening her arms around the child she was holding. She pressed her lips against his light brown/dirty blonde hair and inhaled the scent of baby shampoo as she gave him a kiss.

Nick had inherited a lot more than his pickiness from his mother. He had her natural hair color, which sometimes caused people to believe he was Mark's child despite the fact that he had Derek's piercing blue eyes. He had his mother's nose and his father's pale complexion. He was demanding and impatient much like Derek and short-tempered and stubborn just like Addison, if one needed to know his flaws. But, he was also affectionate like his mother and just as, if not more charming then his father.

Five minutes later returned with a box of pizza which he placed on the table. He flipped the lid off the box and watched his son's eyes light up. "Peeza!" Nick exclaimed, clapping his hands together with the most ecstatic expression on his face.

Derek smiled at him and ruffled his hair. "Gourmet pizza which I paid 45 dollars for because you only eat pizza from one restaurant." He elaborated, earning himself an eye roll from his wife.

Nick impatiently waited for his mother to cut up his slice into small manageable pieces. "Peeza!" he exclaimed again once he was given the permission to start eating. He grabbed one of the small pieces and shoved it in his mouth, giving his father an approving smile as he chewed.

"We will go broke if we have to buy this child 45 dollar pizza every day, sometimes twice a day." He complained while biting into his own slice. "I could order from Domino's and pay five bucks per box…and I get to choose a topping to go on it."

Addison looked down at the child in her lap, she couldn't help up laugh when seeing his pizza sauce covered grin. She grabbed a napkin and gently wiped away the sauce he managed to get on the tip of his nose and all around his mouth. "Look at how unbelievably happy he is, Derek. How do you put a price on that?"

"I'm kidding, Addie." Derek replied defensively. "I'd pay 500 dollars for pizza if he liked it. I'd do anything he asked me to, no matter what it would cost me."

She smiled at him contently. "You're one of those cheesy fathers who brag about their kids for hours. You secretly watch him sleep. When a patient asks if you've got children, you take out your wallet and show pictures. I'm honestly not sure whether to think it's cute or annoying."

"I'm not sure about you but I personally find that to be a tad bit annoying." A strangely familiar voice said in response to Addison's comment.

Derek looked over Addison's shoulder to see the woman he once considered killing. His heart started pounding when as Addison turned around to see who was standing behind her. He knew she already knew who it was but she needed to match the fact with the voice just to confirm her fears.

"Bizzy."she breath out in absolute shock. She turned back to Derek with hollow eyes and wordlessly begged for some type of mercy.

* * *

You guys successfully convinced me to turn this from a one-shot into a story. I'm not sure how long it will be, I don't think it'll even reach 10 chapters but we'll see how it goes. Let me know how you guys liked it? If you have any ideas as to where you want to the story to go or what you think should happen let me know. I have an outline of the story set but if your idea is amazing enough, I'll re-plan the story around it. :)

And just a random side note: I think Nick is the cutest non-existent baby ever.


	3. Chapter 3

Addison's heart could not stop pounding, she could feel her stomach churning with disgust and fear as she stared at her mother while tightly holding onto her own child. She and Derek had come a long way since she first moved out to Seattle. For one, they didn't hate one another anymore. They were in an honest, loving and committed relationship. They finally learned to trust one another again, they were finally happy. Their son's existence was the testament to that. But she knew her mother's presence would ruin it all.

"Mama." The 27 month old mumbled for her attention while hitting her arm. "Me want potty."

"Don't pee on me like you did last week, okay? I promise I'll get you there in time. "Addison said as she got up, holding her son close to her chest. She glared at her mother before walking away with any verbal exchange.

Bizzy remained standing in her spot, she crossed her arms over her chest and stared at Derek who was still sitting there peacefully eating his pizza. "That was quite rude." She commented. "And you aren't any better either. What happen to your manners, Derek? I remember you to be much more civilized."

"That was then, this is now." He answered simply. "Addison and I, we've changed a lot since our son was born. We're not the same people we were when we first got married, we're not the same people you remember."

"Well maybe I would be able to keep up with your ever-changing personalities if you were to keep in touch with us." Bizzy rebutted. "A phone call every now and then wouldn't hurt. It doesn't even take much effort."

Derek sighed as he set down his slice of pizza and then wiped his mouth. "Look, Bizzy, I'll make this really really easy for you. You need to get the hell away from me and my family. Addison and I don't want you here, we don't want you anywhere near our son. So leave."

"I flew all the way across the country. I'm not leaving." Bizzy replied firmly. "I assume Addison finally told you. That's way you're acting so inhuman toward me all of a sudden?"

"Addison did tell me. I wish she would have told me sooner because I wouldn't let her walk around fearing you." Derek nodded. "And I'm not willing to change my life just because you're here. I don't want to go home to a sobbing wife and a confused child. I will not let you ruin what we built by ourselves and for ourselves. This is our life, you understand that? We don't need you involved."

"Derek, I assure you, I have no intention of ruining anything you have created here for yourself." Bizzy said coldly. "But Addison is my child, and what goes on between us has nothing to do with you."

Derek shrugged calmly. "I'm just warning you. If you do anything to break Addison again, I will get involved. And if you so much as look at our son the wrong way, I'll have you arrested before you understand what's going on."

"I'm a Forbes." She reminded her son-in-law. "We may as well have as much immunity as the president."

"You won't even remember how to spell 'Forbes' once I'm done with you." Derek threatened. He got up and threw the half eaten pizza in the garbage before going on a search to find his wife.

* * *

Derek walked in through the door of his wife's private office and found her on the couch with their son. He was sitting on her lap and on his was his favorite book which Addison was reading to him.

"Hey." He said as she took a seat beside them. "Are you okay?"

Addison nodded her head. "I'm fine, I'll be okay." She answered, turning her head to look him in the eyes. "I'm trying to not let her get to me. I was finally happy with my life and I don't want her to ruin that. I'm trying to block her out."

"I tried to ask her to leave nicely but she pissed me off so I threatened her." He told his wife. "She says she flew all the way across the country and she's not leaving this easily."

"Of course not." Addison mumbled under her breath.

"I know you're worried, honey, but you shouldn't be. I'm here. I won't let her hurt you, not physically, not emotionally." He assured her. "She is not going to ruin anything."

"Derek, I don't care about myself. I'm worried about my son. I don't want her near my child. I don't want him to hear her screaming at us, I don't want her to witness her dramatic behavior and I don't want her to lash out and hurt him."

"What makes you so sure she would hurt him?" Derek asked curiously. "I'm not saying she wouldn't, I'm just wondering why we both automatically decided that he's in danger because she's around."

"Because we're his parents." She answered simply. "We worry about him, we want to protect him, we want the best for him because we love him more than anything else in the world."

Derek nodded his agreement. "Try to not let her get to you."

Derek convinced Addison to forget anything happened and get back to work. He took their son back to the daycare center and got back to work himself, although he had specifically instructed his intern to let him know if something didn't seem right with Addison. He was prepared to leave right in the middle of his surgery if his wife needed him.

Meanwhile Addison leaned against the counter of the nurses' station, patiently waiting until one of the nurses could help her. "Is there something you needed Dr. Shepherd?" a nurse in training finally asked her.

"Yes, my husband told me someone made an appointment with me after my lunch break. He didn't mention a specific time so I was hoping someone here would know." She answered.

"Oh, Addison, hey." The charge nurse said as soon as she hung up the call. She dismissed the nursing student and handed a chart over to Addison. "She came in asking for you last night, she said it was urgent but you told us not to page you for anything because you needed to say home with your son. Anyway, she was schedule for 2:15, so you're right on time. I just had someone escort her to exam room 7. She should be ready for you."

"Thanks." Addison said with a smiled as she took her new patient's blank folder. She walked into the exam room and groaned when she saw her mother. "What do you want, Bizzy?"

"I need to talk to you." Bizzy started to say. "I knew that the only way I could get a chance to be in the same room with you would be if I made an appointment and pretended to be a patient. Now you can't walk out because technically, I'm paying to talk to you and I will go to your chief if you neglect a patient."

"If you were trying to be a smart, then you should have considered that I'm not allowed to see any family members as patients. While I don't exactly consider you family, legally and biologically you are. So the chief would understand why I decided not to see you."

"Addison!" Bizzy raised her voice, spending a chill down Addison's spine. "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Sit down and listen, don't make this harder than it has to be!" she yelled, harshly grabbing her daughter's arm to pull her down onto the chair beside the examination table.

"So you think screaming at me is going to a more effective way to convince me to stay here and talk to you?" Addison asked semi-sarcastically. She tossed the chart on the vacant exam table and crossed her legs, anxiously looking up at her mother. "You've got five minutes than then I'm walking out."

"I've got kidney failure. I've been on dialysis for three years. My arms are all bruised from all the needles. Now the doctors are telling me that I've reached the end. Either I get a kidney transplant or give up." Bizzy explained to her daughter.

Addison raised both her brows. "I am not giving you one of my kidneys." She replied firmly, sounding as if nothing could change her mind. "Have you forgotten the bruises on my arms, Bizzy? My entire goddamned body was covered in bruises and you didn't give a fuck. You want me to care about your bruised arms and your damaged kidneys?"

"That mouth on you- You're a Forbes-Mongtomery, Addison. You should be the epitome of class and elegance. You may have married into a circle of trailer trash but I would expect you to uphold your class. Besides, I don't want a kidney from you. I just want you to hear me out. I want to fix our relationship before the end. I want you to give me a chance, that's all I want from you." Bizzy told her desperately. "Please, just consider it."

* * *

Wanna hear how stupid I am? I was so excited when I named this kid Nick because I thought I had no stories with a son named Nick. Then the other night I was going to through my stories to see if there is anything I should delete and I realized the son from "Love's Worst Nightmare" was named Nick and I got pissed off. I really need to think of new names for these stories.

Hope you're liking this so far. Next chapter is insanely dramatic. Lots of Addek angst. Turns out that they're not as perfect as they thought they were.


	4. Chapter 4

Addison rarely stayed at work after her shift ended. She would usually let her well-trained residents take any emergencies that came in last minute. Her priority was her family. She didn't want to decrease the already limited time they had together. The only reason she'd stay at the hospital was if one of her post-op patients was in a critical condition. And that's exactly what happened to prolong her day at work.

Derek didn't mind. He knew what it was like to have a high-stress, demanding career. He knew that sometimes something were beyond their control. He didn't mind, especially considering that it happened so rarely in her case. He assured her that he would pick up their son from day care, he promised to get him fed, bathe him and get him to bed. He even promised to save dinner for her in the oven to keep it warm.

Addison knew that she could trust her husband with their son but she still did her best to be home as soon as possible. It was only natural that she'd prefer the comfort of her own home rather at the hospital.

"You're home earlier than I expected." Derek said with a small smile. He set his down the New England Journal of Medicine and looked up at her. "What happen to your patient?"

"He's stable now." She answered tiredly. "He was touch and go for like two hours. His pressure was really low and it honestly didn't look go. I gave his parents the whole "You need to prepare yourselves for the worst" speech. But he's been doing a lot better now. He's not really out of the woods yet but making it through the night is a start."

Derek smiled at her. "You look exhausted through, you should come to bed. It's pretty late."

"I have to take a shower first. You know it's against the rules to go to bed without a shower after work." She reminded him.

He nodded. "Yes, I remember the rule. 'We spend our entire day around patients with all sorts of illness and you don't want that bacteria in our house and particularly not in our bed." He said, paraphrasing the words he'd heard her say so many times.

She walked over to him with a smile and pressed her lips to his before going over to the bathroom for her shower. She walked about half an hour later with a white towel wrapped around her body and her towel dried hair tousled over her shoulders.

"That was probably the shortest shower you have ever taken." He quipped while she went over to her closet. She pulled her towel off and threw it at him right as she disappeared into the depths of her closet.

Derek saw her bare body for a total of two seconds, three at the most but that was all he need to noticed one very significant change. Her back was to him, and right on her shoulder blade was a bruise. He felt his heart start racing while different thoughts ran through his mind. A few minutes later she walked out of the bathroom in a pair of his flannel pajama bottoms which his mother had gotten him without realizing it was too small. She had on a sheer white tank top and he could see the bruise right through.

"Did you see your mother today, Addie?" he asked, his voice sounded a little too smug.

"Yeah. We had lunch. Why?" she replied while tying her hair up loosely.

"I was just trying to figure out how you'd managed to get a bruise on your back. Then I remembered that your abusive mother is still in town and I connected the dots." He answered.

Her brows came together instantly. "What bruise?" She went toward the mirror on dresser and turned to see a bruise visible through her shirt. Her jaw dropped and she couldn't think of an explanation fast enough to cover it up.

"You're almost 40 years old, Addison. How could she still do this to you?" he questioned, getting out of bed and walking closer to where she stood in front of the mirror. "Why would you agree to have lunch with her?"

"She asked me to give her a chance to make things right between us. She almost begged me to spend some time with her before the end. And I felt bad, I thought of what I would want if I was in her shoes and I agreed." Addison answered in a shameful whisper. She had kept it a secret from him for a week. She knew he wouldn't be happy with her decision so she kept it to herself.

"Addison, that woman has ruined your life." Derek pointed out as gently as he could although he failed because it sounded quite harsh. "She made you feel like a mistake as a child, you thought of yourself as a burden to your family. That's how you were when we met, you're still like that. You think you're a burden in my life, you think I'm only around because I'm obligated to be. You don't trust anyone and that's because of your mother."

"I do trust you." She insisted. "I'm not sure why I trust you. I mean, you've broken my heart, you've treated me like shit, you've cheated on me but I got passed that and I learned to trust you again."

"You obviously didn't get passed that because if you had you wouldn't have mentioned it." He replied, anger now building up inside of him. "And I cheated on your because you went and fucked my best friend. If I had stayed in New York that night I would have killed both you and Mark. Stop bitching about that and just be glad I agreed to work it out with you."

"Agreed to make it work? You made me live in a lunch box with you! You ignored me, you called me Satan, you made everyone hate me. And you made me watch while you flirted with your girlfriend because you knew it was killing me inside and you knew it would be hypocritical of me to confront you. It was the perfect revenge."

"That wasn't revenge. Revenge would have been if I made love to her in front of your face."

"What?" she asked, looking right into his eyes with tears starting to form in her own.

"You heard what I sad." He snapped.

She nodded her head. "You said you made love to her. Mark and I never made love, we screwed, he fucked me, there was no love involved. And now after everything we've been through you tell me you loved her. "

"That's not the point. We are not arguing about the affairs right now. We are arguing because of your mother! Because your mother has made you into the fucked up person that you are and you don't even realize that."

"Yeah well, if I wasn't so fucked up I wouldn't have married you in the first place. If I wasn't so fucking stupid, I wouldn't have fought so hard to stay married to you after everything. And if you weren't so fucked up, you wouldn't have let it get this far to the point where an innocent child is now involved."

Derek wasn't sure what came over him. All he knew is that he was furious with her at that second. He wasn't sure how it happened but it did. His arm slowly went back and then forcefully swung forward right toward her face. Half-way to her cheek he managed to stop himself and take a step back. He saw the terror in written out across her face and the tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what that was. I didn't mean to, Addie. I swear." He said with genuine remorse.

She shook her head. "You don't have to apologize. You should have done it, I deserve it." She replied, looking down at her bare, recently pedicured feet.

"No, you don't. You really don't. See, this is exactly what I mean. Your mom has raised you to believe that you deserved it. That it was always your fault even if you didn't do anything wrong. " he said softly, moving closer to her to wrap his arms around her. She instinctively took a step back and winced at the thought of contact and he noticed it. "I'm sorry, okay? I really am. I'll go sleep down on the couch for tonight to give you some space to…think and relax. But I'm here if you need me."

"No, you can have the room. I'll go sleep on the ground in Nick's room." She answered quickly, moving to grab a pillow off their bed.

He moved in front of her to block her way and saw the flash of fear in her eyes. "I want you to be comfortable, stay here. Please, just let me do this. Don't make me feel worse." He begged. "I love you, Addison. I do. I'm so sorry. You have to believe me when I say I didn't mean any of that. I didn't mean anything I said and I sure as hell could never hurt you. Just please believe me when I say that."

"Okay." She whispered and watched as he gave her a small, grateful, honestly apologetic smile before walking out of the room. She waited until she knew he would be downstairs before going into their son's room and carefully taking him out of bed so she could have him beside her.

Nick 's eyes fluttered open when she put him down in on the king sized bed in the master bedroom. He looked at her as she got in bed herself and observed the tears running going down her cheek. "You otay, Mommy?" he asked her innocently.

She cuddled his small body closer to her and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "I'll be fine." She promised softly and watched as his eye lids became heavy with slumber and closed.

* * *

I rewrote this chapter four times, each time it got more and more dramatic. I finally decided this version was the best one to post. It's a little more angst than I thought I'd put in this story but I kinda like the fact that it brings up Addison's trust issues.  
Oh and I changed my username, I'm not sure if anyone noticed that. I had the last one when I was like 14 or something, I needed a change.

Let me know what you think :D


	5. Chapter 5

In the days following the arguemnt things between Derek and Addison had been awkward to say the least. He assumed she wanted to be left alone. So he gave her some space. He hoped that when she was ready to talk he would let her know. She however felt like she was being avoiding all over again. She assumed Derek was tired of her so she started doing anything possible to stear clear of running into him.

Addison had her head buried in her hands while sitting in her office. She had taken Nicholas to the hospital's employee day care center and she was suppose to start rounds. Instead she decided to put it off to sit and sulk in her office. Her head shot up when the door opened and she groaned loudly when she saw her mother walk in. "Bizzy..."

"You look horrible." Bizzy told her bluntly.

"Leave, Bizzy." Addison replied very firmly.

"Excuse me?" the older woman asked, her eyebrow slightly inclined. "Addison, that is highly disrespectful. I would think I raised you better than that."

"You didn't raise me!" Addison exclaimed. "You hired a nanny to raise me. You have never been maternal in your life. You don't even know how to care about someone other than yourself. I grew up with trust issues, I wasn't sure that I was capable of mothering my own child. Derek and I went through hell. We were finally happy. Everything was finally going well for us and you show up and ruin it. You need to leave."

Bizzy quickly lost her temper. She did what she does best and she lashed out, letting her palm fly forward and clash with Addison's cheek. Then she very briskly walked out of the room, leaving Addison with her hand pressed against her face. She felt a stinging pain on her lower lip and realizing she bit it on impact. She sighed and took a compact from her purse and looked at the reflection in the small mirror. Another groan escaped her when she saw blood.

The next thing she knew she was digging through the drawers of an exam room searching for antibacterial ointment and sterile guaze to clean the small cut. She had one hand pressing a paper towel to her lip while she looked for something that would be more effective. When the door opened she turned quickly to see who it was, she made sure her hand still kept her bleeding lip hidden. "Derek." she acknowledged his presence with a slight nod as she said his name.

"I have a post op patient coming back in today. I was assigned this room so I came by to drop off somethings I would need. I thought it was empty." he explained quickly and stepped into the room, dropping various things on the counter. "Why are you covering you lips?"

"I uh...I have a horrible pimple that I don't want anyone to see." she answered, hating herself for not coming up with a more believable excuse.

"Addison, I have known you for a _very _long time. You do not get zits." he replied and reached up to move her hand away and gasped when he saw the blood seeping from her lower lip. "I thought I saw your mother leaving."

"I'm fine." Addison insisted passively. "I just need to clean this cut."

Derek patted down on the exam table. "Take a seat, I'll do it all for you." he offered. She looked at him skeptically, almost as if she was about to charge out of the room because of the tension between them. "I have been wanting to talk to you since we had that stupid fight four days ago. I miss you, Addison. I miss being around you and holding you. Just let me take care of you and hear me out."

Addison sighed. She had never been good at saying 'no'. That was one of her biggest problems. She hesitantly pushed herself up onto the table and nervously drummed her fingers against her knee while he washed his hands. He set down the antiseptic and white gauze cut up in perfectly squares on the tray beside the table. She grimaced when he came toward her with the gauze soaked in the solution.

"I guess it's true when they say that doctors make the worst patients." Derek said with a chuckle. "Honey, I promise it'll be quick and painless, okay? We just need to clean it and bandage it and you can go relax for a while. I'll let your resident know not to page you." he carefully dabbed on the cut until all the blood was gone. "What happen?"

"She slapped me and I ended up biting my lip. She's done worse though, it's really no big deal." Addison replied dismissively.

"I hate seeing you in pain, you know that right? I have been wanting to talk to you for days but I thought you'd want your space. I figured you would make it clear when you were ready to talk to me again. I didn't want to impose and make you feel rushed or something like that." he explained while putting a small bandage right below her lip. "By the way, the cut was under your lip."

Addison laughed quietly. "I thought you've been avoiding me because you realized how fucked up I am. I thought we were falling back into old patterns." she whispered. "I thought I would lose you, that you'd leave me and take Nick."

Derek shook his head forcefully. "I wouldn't do that." he promised whole heartidly. "I was just trying to give you space. I thought you wouldn't want me around after what happen."

"Nothing happen, Derek." she insisted.

"No, Addison. What your mother did to you today...I could have done the same that night. I don't know what the fuck was running through my mind. I've never done anything like that. I don't know what came over me. I wish I could go back in time and change it. I can't be one of those men who does these things to his wife."

"Derek, you didn't do anything." she repeated, feeling as if it was the millionth time she'd said it. "You did _not _hit me. You stopped yourself, you realized what you were doing and you stopped. That is the type of man you are, you are not the type of man who hurts his wife. You are the type of person who would feel guilty for stepping on an ant. You would never intentionally hurt me or anyone for that matter-"

Derek cut her off before she could go any further. "I just need you to know that I'm sorry."

Addison grabbed his arm and pulled him closer to close off the distance between them. She cupped his cheek in her hand and looked into his eyes. "I know you are." she whispered back and leaned in to plant a soft kiss on his lips. She pulled away instantly because of the stinging pain in her swelling lip. "I guess we'll have to wait for this to heal before I try to kiss you again." she mumbled regretfully.

Derek raised his and looked at her playfully. "Do you have any other injuries you might need me to look at, Mrs. Shepherd?" Addison giggled and Derek felt like he was finally whole again. He missed the sound of her laugh. He missed seeing her happy. It was as if she hadn't smiled at all since her mother showed up in town.

"I may need you to give me a complete physical." she replied. "I've heard you are very good at repairing a broken heart. I don't think mine is broken but I'm positive it's bruised."

Derek gave her a sympathetic look. "I will make sure that it doesn't stay that way." he assured and leaned in to place a kiss on her still slightly red cheek. "Everything is going to go back to the way it was, Addie. All your bruises will fade away, your cuts will heal and we will move on. We've done it before and we'll do it again."

Addison hopped off the table and straightened out her skirt. She looked up from the ground when she felt his hands on her hips."You have a patient coming in." she reminded him, pulling herself away. "I'm gonna go see if I can go get the rest of the day off. I really don't feel like being here right now. I just want to go to bed and sleep it off. I haven't been able to sleep the last few nights thinking our marriage is doomed.

Derek nodded his head. "Stop thinking, stop worrying and just relax, okay? I'll pick up Nicholas from daycare at the end of my shift, we'll stop by his favorite restuarant to get some pizza and we'll see you at home." he assured her with a bright smile as he rested on a hand on her lower back to escort her out to her car.

* * *

As promised, Derek came home on time with their son and a medium sized pizza box. The grin on Nick's face died when he walked into the house and saw his mother standing by the door with a cut right beneath her lip. "You gots owwie again?" he asked her softly as he walked toward her. He held his arms up to her for her to pick him up and once Addison did he placed a kiss on her cheek. "Better?" he asked her, tilting his head to look into her eyes.

Addison smiled, "Yes, honey, you did make me feel better." she assured and gave him an affectionate kiss in return for his. "Let's go find Daddy before he eats that whole pizza by himself."

As per usual, after his meal, Nick was covered in pizza sauce from every visible angle. Derek offered to clear off the table and wash the dishes or give Nicholas his nightly bath. He ended up on dish duty while Addison took their son for a bath. Just as he was about to turn on the dish washer he heard the door bell ring. They weren't expecting anyone, so the fact that someone was persistantly ringing the doorbell annoyed him. "I'm coming, dammit!" he yelled while he made his way toward the door.

Derek opened the door and his jaw dropped just slightly when he saw Addison's father standing outside. "Captain..." he started to say in shock.

"If it isn't my favorite son-in-law." the Captain replied and took a small step into the house. He looked around the dimly lit foyer. "I have been trying to get in touch with you and Addison for a few hours now. You two wouldn't answer."

"I'm your only son-in-law...unless Archer is secretly gay and recently got married to a man without telling me or Addie." Derek answered sarcastically. "And you since when do you get on a plane and fly out here to see us just because we didn't answer our phones."

The Captain was just about to speak when he heard his daughter's voice coming from upstairs. She sounded like she had just started reading a book and a few seconds later he heard a child's laugh erupt through the house. "Is that Addison?"

Derek nodded. "She upstairs reading a bedtime story for Nicholas." he answered.

"Nicholas?" he asked curiously. "Oh..your son? Archer mentioned that you had a child but he didn't tell me what you named him. I've been wanting to come out here and visit you guy for a while but I haven't been able to get in touch and I didn't just want to show up. I thought Addison should have a right to know, I'm not her favorite person and she shouldn't have to spend time with me if she doesn't want to."

"And what changed? Why did you show up now without letting her now?" Derek asked somewhat rudely, only because he was looking out for his wife. His only interest was protecting her from having to deal with anymore pain. "Did Bizzy call you out here because she needed a sidekick?"

The Captain shook his head. "I've never been Bizzy's sidekick. I didn't even know she was here." he answered. "Do you think Addison would mind if stay and wait for her to finish putting your son to bed? I really need to talk to her and it can't wait."

Derek felt his heart quicken when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs and turned to look over his shoulder to see Addison standing at the bottom of the staircase staring at her father in shock. She stood there for a few seconds before running back up the stairs and slamming her bedroom door shut.

* * *

Yup, the Captain has arrived. :D I loved him the last time he was on PP. He was so messed up and amusing.  
Anyway, the next chapter may be the last one. Or I might do one after it. I'm not sure yet.

I deleted the last version of chapter 5 I posted. The one that had Addison going to her mother for comfort then she ended up taking random pills because of a headache. I really loved the idea but it would end up so complicated because I was gonna write it as if Bizzy was poisoning her. I decided against it so I deleted that and wrote this. What do you guys think?


	6. Chapter 6

"What is he doing here?" Addison exclaimed loudly as soon as her husband walked into the privacy of their bedroom to check on her. "My mother is already here, I can't handle him around too. That's just...that's too much Forbes-Montgomery ego to deal with."

"He left." Derek informed her softly. "And he came here to check on you, he wanted to make sure you're doing okay. He misses you."

Addison rolled her eyes. "My father is really good at making people believe what he wants them to believe. He's very charming and convincing. I'd expect you to see through it considering that you are the exact same way but no..."

"You need to stop yelling, honey, you're going wake Nicholas." Derek reminded her cautiously, stepping closer to pull her into his arms to comfort her. "I do see through him. I know when he's bull shitting and I know when he's not. And I can tell you that's he's sincere about whatever he came here for. He asked that you call him when you're feeling up to it."

"How do you know?" Addison replied, her voice indicating exactly how doubtful she was of his theory.

"Because he asked about the cut beneath your lip...except that he was convinced it was a sex accident. And he noticed the bruises on your legs as you were running up the stairs. He thought I was responsible for that too. He was ready to go grab a knife from the kitchen and kill me. Addison, does he not know about what your mother has been doing to you?"

Addison shook her head slowly. "He never noticed when I was a kid and I could never bring myself to tell him. My mom never let me go out with him alone and after he while he stopped offering to take me sailing or horse back riding with him so I figured he didn't care." she admitted. "Besides, how could he live in the same house as Bizzy and not noticed how incredibly violent that woman is?"

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe she's not violent?" Derek asked. "Maybe she takes it all out on you because she knows you won't do anything about it. If she ever acted out in front of your father than he'd leave her sorry as and she would end up harming her family name and ruining the Forbes repuation. And once that was gone, the money would stop coming in and she'd have nothing." he explained logically. "You should have told your father when you were a kid, you should have trusted him and confided in him. It would never have gotten to this point had you done that."

"Now you're blaming me?" Addison exclaimed unbelievably.

"I'm not blaming you, Addison. It's in no way your fault that your mother was a maniac. I'm just saying if your father knew things could have been different." he told her softly.

"My mother _was _a maniac?" Addison asked, her perfect shaped brow inclined slightly. "She still is a maniac, Derek. Do you not remember the cut you bandaged earlier today? Do you need to see the bruises again to remind you?"

"That's what your father came here to talk to you about." Derek started to say slowly and delicately while looking into his wife's eyes sympathetically. "He wanted to tell you in person, he thought it wasn't the type of thing that you say over the phone. So he came down here to see you. Since you don't want to see him he told me and asked me to tell you."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know how to tell you this so I'm going to get right to the point. It may sound insensitive and horrible but I don't know how else to say it. I can't think of how to word it more delicately. I don't know what to do to make it easier for you...partially because I don't know how you'll react in the first place..." he continued to say until she cut him off.

"Honey..." Addison stopped him. "You're rambling."

He stopped speaking and took a breath before blurting, "Your mother died." Then he watched Addison's jaw drop in shock. "I'm sorry, I know you wanted to fix your relationship and everything but she's gone. Your Dad came here to see you and to make arrangements to get her body back east for a funeral. He said he would call us with the details so we would know when to fly out."

Addison stared at him in a speechless shock. She couldn't formulate words to express her thoughts, not that she was trying. She had just been hit with life altering news and she wasn't sure if she'd consider it good news or bad news.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked her softly, seeing that her face had become noticeably paler than it had been a few minutes prior.

"I'm fine." she finally mumbled. "I just...I thought she was lying about having renal failure. I thought that was just her bait to reel me in. But she was serious. She really was sick and she really did need help. I just stood around and made her furious. I could have been more productive. I should have considered giving her my kidney, I should have at least made an effort to find her a kidney. She's done so much for me and I didn't do anything for her..." she trailed off when the tears flooded her eyes.

Derek stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, feeling her instinctively nuzzle her head on his shoulder. He wanted to comfort her, he wanted to do something, anything, to make her feel better. "I would not let you give your kidney to your mother, Addison. She doesn't deserve for you to put yourself through that." he told her softly and earnestly. "You don't owe anything to anyone, especially your mother."

She didn't respond, instead she felt herself involuntarily gag. She ran to the en-suite bathroom and instantly collapsed onto her knees in front of the toilet barely being able to hold it in until that point. Derek instinctively followed her and knelt down beside her to hold her hair back with one hand and rub her back with the other. "You're gonna be okay, Addie. I know this is hard but you'll be fine." he said soothingly, offering her a cold damp towel as soon as she was done. She took it and fell right into his arms, burying her face in the safety of his chest.

"She's dead." Addison whispered between her silent tears.

* * *

Addison impatiently stared at her son over lunch the next day. He had his arms crossed over his chest and he was alternating a glare between his mother and the plate of chicken tenders and french fries. "Peeza!" he demanded.

"Nicholas, seriously, I don't have time for this right now. They don't make Pizza in the cafeteria and your father's in surgery, he's been there all morning. I've been back and forth to the ER since I got here. We didn't have time to go buy you a pizza. You need to start eating other things, we're always going to have the chance to buy you exactly what you want." she told her son firmly, her voice giving away exactly how exhausted she was.

Nicholas pouted and looked at his mother with his blue eyes, "Mama..." he started to say softly.

"What?" Addison exclaimed with exxasterbation.

He took a breath, looked into her eyes and very calmly said, "Me is wants Peeza."

Before Addison could manage to lose her temper a pizza box appeared on the table and Addison recognized the hand holding it to be her father's. She looked up at him. "How did you know what to get and where to get it from?" she asked him curiously, watching him flip the box open and place a slice on a clean plate. He cut up the slice into small pieces and laughed when he realized Nicholas was staring at him as if he were god.

"You were the same way when you were about his age. Maybe older...I think you were five. You'd wake up at three in the morning demanding Haagen-Daz ice cream. And you'd scream at the top of your lungs until you got it."

"How hard could it have been to send my nanny to get a scoop from the freezer?"

"Except that you'd eat as much as we had during the day so there was nothing left at night. And Haagen-Daz was not so widely available back then as it is now...especially at three in the morning. So your son's addiction to over priced pizza from one specific place, that's karma." he smirked, although he could tell she didn't find it at all funny. "I'm trying to lighten the mood. I didn't mind doing that, that's the least I could have done for you." he cleared up.

"How do you know about his 'pizza addiction'?" she asked again, this time more firmly. The Captain clearly understood that her patience was wearing thin and that she did not want to see him let alone have him sitting at the same table with her.

"I spoke to Derek earlier today. He seemed a little distracted so I asked him what he was thinking about and he felt guilty that he couldn't see you during lunch and that he didn't have time to order the pizza for Nicholas. He was afraid he wouldn't eat anything else. So I offered to take care of it for him. After all, Nick is my grandson and I don't want him to starve and I don't want him to drive my daughter insane."

"I think I reached the point of insanity long before he was born." Addison mumbled tiredly, her voice proving that she had let down her guard.

"Addison, honey, this isn't the end of the world. Everyone loses their parents at some point in their lives. It's something everyone has to deal with. Nothing is worse outliving your child, I couldn't bare that. No one should ever be able to bare that. But this...this is normal. You'll learn to move on with your life."

Addison glanced at her son then back to her father. "It would kill me to lose Nicholas. I don't know what I would do if I were in the position...I'd probably run in front of a bus. Bus drivers are blind to begin with, they wouldn't stop in time. But she...she wouldn't care if I were to die. It's not like she cared that I was alive in the first place. The only reason my life had meaning to her was because I was her human punching bag."

"What are you talking about, Addison?" the Captain asked with a sparked brow. "Is this how you grieve? You say random, very sadistic things that come to your mind? Because I do not want you to do that to yourself."

"No, you should know. It's time you knew. Bizzy abused me, she's been doing it for as long as I can remember. And now she's gone and I never had a normal mother like everyone else. I'm fucked up, I tried to hide that from Derek but now I can't because this is the beginning of a breakdown. And I'm trying to be a good mother, I am but I can't! I'm too messed up emotionally to be able to be a good mother."

"You're an amazing mother, Addie. Don't let her do this to you. She's dead, she has no power over you. You are nothing like your mother was. You admitted yourself that your son is your life."

"Will you do me a favor?" Addison asked with a sniffle before quickly wiping away her tears.

The Captain nodded. Leaning forward, he pulled Addison's hand away from her cheek to brushed away her tears himself. "I know I've never really been a good father but you've got to know that I'd do anything for you, honey."

She pushed his hand away and got up from her chair. "Tell Derek that I can't do this anymore and that I'm sorry I wasted the last 15 years of his life."

"Whoa, whoa, where are you going?" he asked, rising to his feet so he could be at eye level with her.

"I don't know." she admitted before walking away from the table without even looking at her son. She knew she'd change her mind if she saw the utter confusion in her innocent blue eyes.

"Addison!" The Captain called after her. She never turned back. He fall back onto his chair and felt the little boy tap on his arm.

"Mama go cuz baby be sick?" he asked curiously while putting another piece of his cut up pizza into his mouth. He was used to having his parents rush away without warning, he knew that they'd always be back. He had no idea that this time would be the exception.

* * *

Random side note: Bus drivers in LA really do suck. They cut you off on while you're going 60 miles per hour and they drive at like 10 miles an hour and you're stuck behind them until the idiots in the lane next to you realize you need to get away before you purposely rear end it...I'm an aggressive driver, no comments.

I know it's been a pretty long time. I usually never take this long to update. I just couldn't figure out how to make Addison react after killing off her mother. Then after last night's ep, I saw how she reacted and the chapter just wrote itself.  
Let me know your thoughts even if it's just random cursing for update like a month late.


	7. Chapter 7

Nicholas kept a tight grip of his grandfather's hand while they stood in an elevator to get up to the surgical floor. He looked up curiously at the man and asked, "You is Mommy's daddy?" just needing to make sure he actually had some relation to the person caring for him at the moment.

The Captain nodded with a small smile. "You have the same hair color your mom did when she was little." he informed the child.

"She's gots wed haiw." Nick told his grandfather as if it should be obvious.

"I know she does..." he paused thinking of a simple way to explain the concept of genetics and hair color variations to a child. After a few seconds he realized there was no easy way of explaining it. "Never mind. We need to find your dad."

As if on cue, Derek walked out of the scrub room, pulled his scrub cap off and ran his hand tiredly through his hair. He instantly perked up when he heard his son screach and run toward his open arms. Derek picked up his son and held on to him tightly for a few seconds. "Me missed you, Daddy."

"I know. I'm sorry. I had to leave very early in the morning and I've been in surgery ever since. I couldn't stay with you and Mommy and in the morning and I couldn't have lunch with you guys." he told his son softly while giving him a kiss on his cheek. Then he turned to The Captain and said, "Where is Addison? Is she okay?"

"She is uh..." he stopped talking, partially because he had no idea how to tell Derek that his wife had left.

"She's been pretty emotional. I shouldn't have agreed to take this case. I should have been there today. I'm sure she didn't react well when she saw you, I should not have just told you show up without giving her a heads up."

"Well, if it's any consolation, she didn't seem upset with me being here. I actually managed to speak to her for a little while. She told me about...her secret, I guess. I wish I had known sooner. I wouldn't have allowed it to get this far. But at least she spoke to me, maybe we can even fix our relationship. But I right now I just want her to stop seeking affection and approval from her mother because at this point it's impossible for her to get it."

"She's the strongest woman I've ever met. I know how hard it is to lose a parent but she's gonna be fine. I know she is." Derek told his father in law surely.

"I think she's taking it worse than you think." The Captain told him with slight disappointment. "Look, Derek, there is no easy way to say this but you need to know...Addison left."

"Left? What do you mean by left? She got a page and left? Please tell me she got a page and left."

The Captain slowly and regretfully shook his head. "You know what I mean. I'm sorry."

* * *

Derek had no idea how to handle the news that his wife had actually left him and their son. He was tempted to call her to ask her what was going on but he didn't. He knew Addison well enough to know she wouldn't bother answering her phone. He knew she didn't want to talk to him and he respected that. Derek just hoped that she'd come back to her senses before she managed to do something they'd all end up regretting for decades.

Like any good father, Derek did his best to shield his son from what was going on. He got Nicholas down to bed before drowning his own sorrows in half a bottle of scotch. After a while he stopped expecting her to show up at home that night and he went up to bed. The next morning he woke up and went straight to the kitchen to make himself coffee. He hoped it would help with the pounding headache. What he didn't expect to see was his wife sitting on a bar stool by the island with two cappuccinos from Starbucks in front of her.

"What are you doing here?" Derek asked in confusion, rubbing his groggy eyes to make sure he wasn't just seeing things.

"I live here, in case you forgot." she replied sarcastically. "I got you a cappuccino on my way in this morning. I know you can't function until you've got some form of caffeine in you every morning."

"You live here? Strange considering that yesterday you took off yesterday without telling me where you're going. I had to hear from your father that you left me and our son. And you spend all night god knows where and now you're here with coffee as if nothing ever happened."

"I wasn't leaving you." Addison raised her voice defensively. "I just needed to get away for a little while to think. It had nothing to do with you or Nicholas or my father. It was about me. For once I needed time for me, to take care of myself."

"It's my job to take care of you. You should feel a need to run away from me." Derek yelled back.

"I wasn't running away from you! I didn't even go anywhere. I checked into the Archfield, ordered everything on the room service menu and I had a breakdown. And now that I'm passed it, I'm back. I didn't want to breakdown and leave you to take care of me again. There is only so many times you could put up with me and my mental breakdowns."

"I'm your husband. I'm supposed to be there for you when you need me. There is no limit to how many times I could be there for you." he reminded her.

"You say that now." Addison scoffed. "You won't be saying thing that in a few years, you'll just check me into a psych ward across the country so you don't have to put up with me and my bipolar emotions anymore."

Derek rolled his eyes and grabbed the cappacino away from her to take a sip. "You know what I am getting tired of? You not giving yourself enough credit." he said loudly. "Your mother is dead, you can't disappoint her anymore. You can't get her approval. She can't influence your life anymore. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

Addison looked into her husbands eyes and responded, "See, you are tired of me and all the drama that comes along with me." she whispered in a soft, obviously broken tone. "My mother did this to me, she made me this way. When I was younger she always made me believe I was worthless. She made me think that no one could ever love me. She told me straight out that if she had a choice I wouldn't even exist."

"She did have a choice, Addison." Derek answered.

"No she didn't. My dad wanted another child, she couldn't abort. And this is 1970 we're talking about, getting an abortion would not be that easy. Besides, even if she could have easily aborted she wouldn't have because her trust fund did pay out until she had two children to pass down the Forbes genes to. I was like a business transaction to her." Addison paused and looked into her husband's eyes. "She told me that if I wasn't a 'Forbes-Mongtomery' then I wouldn't even have a high school diploma. She claims my dad literally bought me my M.D. If my family didn't have hundreds of millions than I not be the person that I am."

"This is America, Addison, no one can buy a diploma. Especially a doctorate in medicine. I know it happens in other countries, very small, very poor countries but it does not happen in America, especially not at Columbia University." he told him wife rationally. "They are not the reason you made have that M.D. That was all you."

"Apparently not." Addison murmured. She hopped off the tall bar stool and walked away without even giving him a chance to respond. Addison went up to their bedroom and grabbed Derek's gym back from his closet. Their suit cases were in the basement of the house and she wasn't in the mood to go get them so the duffle bag would have to do for the time being. She had barely managed to get his clean gym clothes out of the bag to make room for her own when Derek came into the room with her half-asleep son in his arms.

Derek tucked Nicholas beneath the covers of the unmade bed, then crossed his arms and stared at Addison. "What exactly would you say you're doing right now?"

"Packing."

"Why?"

"Because you are furious with me and I don't want you to have to force yourself to put up with me. So I'll go back to the hotel for a few days until we get passed this." she explained. And sadly, she honestly thought her reasoning was logical. She didn't even consider that her husband wouldn't want her gone no matter what she does to bother him.

"No." he stated firmly, taking the bag away from her and tossing it back into his walk-in closet. He shut the door behind him to keep Addison from going back in there to get it. "I know you're going through a hard time. Its hard to put things in perspective with your mom gone. You have to figure out how much of her memory you're willing to honor and remember. And she's been so horrible that you may wanna forget her all together. No one can blame you for being a little emotional unstable right now."

"I need that bag, Derek." Addison replied, trying to get past him to get to the closet.

"You do not need the bag because you are not going anywhere." Derek answered his wife, stepping closer to her. He put his hands on her upper arms and looked directly into her eyes before bringing his lips to her. After a two or three seconds he pulled away, reminding himself that they have a child in the room. "I don't want you to go anywhere. You could be a mentally unstable freak of nature and I wouldn't let you go."

"Why?"

"Because I love you. And if you haven't realized it by now, nothing you can ever do will change that fact." Derek answered her.

"When I was eight my mother told me I'm unlovable." Addison whispered.

"Addie, if you haven't notice, nothing your mother said was right." her husband pointed out logically. "You are the best neonatal surgeon in this country, ranked top three in the world. If that other guy died, which he may have because he was ancient, than you'd be number one in the world. You wouldn't be able to achieve that status is you didn't work hard for your degree. Your family did not buy you your amazing reputation. So you mother was clearly wrong about you not being able to achieve anything on your own."

Addison sniffled and nodded her head. "I never thought about it that way."

"And you clearly as lovable because I love you so much that it actually physically hurts sometimes. And our son worships the ground you walk on. He loves you more than you'll ever be able to understand and the scary thing is you love him even more. You are an amazing mother and your mother would never be able to compare herself to the woman you've become...no thanks to her might I add."

"With my mother gone, I won't have someone judging and criticizing my every move."

Derek nodded his head. "Exactly." he agreed. "She is in your past, Addison, and that part of your life is over. Nothing that happened back then determines who you are or who you will be. Yes, your past may influence your future but it doesn't determine it, you determine it. You decide how you want to live. If you let him, your father will support you no matter what you do and so will Nicholas. And you need to understand that I'll support you through your best and worst days. This is the beginning of our future and we've got no secrets or fears. We are ready to move on with our lives, right?"

Addison nodded her head slowly. "Right."

Nick sat up in his parents' bed and looked to the other end of the room to see them standing there nauseatingly close to one another. "Mama?" Nicholas called out then patiently waited until he had his parents' attention. Once his mother was looking at him he gave her a sly grin and very seriously said, "Me is wants peeza."

* * *

The End :)  
I know the ending is a bit sudden but I wasn't sure how to end it. And what better than ending it with Addek making up and cute little Nicholas demanding pizza to feed his pizza addiction?  
What did you think? Leave a review and let me know.


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